How I dated my ex husband, again..

I am telling my story of how I got married, had a baby, went through some verbal/mental abuse, divorced, moved in with the rents, started dating him again after 6 months after the divorce and now we have 3 beautiful girls, have a beautiful little home and we are happy as ever and not married!....say what?? Yep, it is possible. It is possible to be in a relationship with your ex husband and not have to worry about getting remarried.

We were only married for 2 years before we got a divorce. Yes that was a short time and didn't make it past the " 7 years are the hardest". Well tough crap, it ain't for everyone. Everyone's got different problems and can handle them differently. It started with his hot temper and hot head. I saw the red flags but ignored it and all my family saying what I already knew. Now he never hit me! but the fights were close to throwing items at each other after he came back home from a 10 month deployment. We tried marriage counseling, journaling and trying to talk to each other. It didn't work cause I was at the point of moving on and letting go. He tried, he did but I was already gone before I knew it. During the time of getting paper work filed and trying not to get a lawyer things got worse before it got better. We recorded each conversation so we could use against each other! I mean for real we hated each other. Right before we had the papers in sight and pen in our hands, we looked at each other and he said it didn't have to be this way but I said yes it does. (now in my head, I promise I had a plan!) It had to be done for him to get a reality check on what he wanted between us, family and what he wanted in life. And it worked! Now here are the bad outcomes to my plan..1) I never wanted a divorce. I wanted a long marriage with 1 person for the rest of my life, like we promised in our vows. 2) My streak of marriage was over. 3) I was going to be a single mom 4) I got "frowned upon" from some family members from both sides and 5) I had to share my daughter with him. But for this to hopefully work, I had to play all the bad memories to get me through that moment. After it was signed, the judge granted our wishes, it was done. I kept his last name for my daughters sake.

2 months after that had taken place, I began to miss the A hole like crazy! I kept going to my counselor and journaling. She told me, I was over the "little problems that I made the big problems" and she was right. I don't know how many times I made a little problem a huge one and that one part was my fault. After my sessions with her, I finally apologized to him about that. He told me numerous times that I was doing that and I would ignore him. Not only did I apologize, he did to. He said he finally understood what he had and lost it. He had a family, something he has always wanted and he did not put his full effort into saving it when he knew what to do.
After the apologizes and prayers, we started dating! We would make time to meet in the mornings before I went to work to get breakfast and spend 30 min just talking/catching up. I tell you, it was weird at first. It was like dating someone new all over again, but it was still him! He had changed into the man and father I needed him to be! He was more dedicated into us this time then he was in the beginning and I was too. Of course our family was capital P-issed! But you know, it wasn't about them, it was about us, our happiness and our family. I've been giving this advice to little couples who are about to get married or married couples who are going through what I went through cause I can relate: "don't stress over the little things", "pick your battles" (with your kids and husband I swear!). Today We are so happy and love each other more everyday then we did 4  years ago.

Now will we ever re-marry? I don't know. When I think about it, I cringe. I just flashback to all the bad memories we had as a "married" couple, which I shouldn't- I know.. But when I look at us now, we've come along way and we've not fought near as much as we did while married. SO that being said, I go day by day on that one. I'm not planning a future wedding I might have, or hounding him to it cause we are so happy now and each day is something new that we are taking for granted. We've got our family in one house, I still wear my wedding ring, do all the laundry and cooking of course......but we still spend time together. And spending time is what makes the relationship working.

So my tips on how I date my ex-husband lol... Don't stop dating! Don't stop talking! Pick your battles! and Don't stress over the little things!

XoXo!

A Mothers Dilemma

What crap this is..

I've worked an 8 hour shift today, I did a 30 min walk around the block after work to get my exercise in, I go to pick up my kids from my moms, spend an hour there, drove 30 min home and my kids are asleep by 8pm! What the hell??o  Now don't get me wrong, I like me some "me time" and drink a glass of wine/beer every now and then but seriously? Days like today I want to hear my girls laughter, cook them dinner and hold them. So back to the topic: on average, I'm spending 10 hours a week (mon-fri) with my kids? Freaking ridiculous! 

How are working moms suppose to be a mom to their kids if they have to work 8-12 hours a day and then pick them up from school/daycare/caregivers and enjoy time with them when they have to focus on: baths/showers, dinner, homework, potty training, feeding babies, changing diapers, doing laundry and trying to gather your wits?  Some nights, I forget to eat myself cause I am so wrapped up in making sure the kids get  food, changed, a bath -if they're lucky, sometimes mom has to give the baths cause I'm so tired from work- and making sure I have clean scrubs for the next! 

I don't know what the secret is but I'd love to know how to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). How do they make an income to help pay bills? 

I just wish I could be making the memories my mom is with my kids. They are only little for so long and I don't get to cherish these moments as much as I'd like to. Until the Lord guides me to where I can be a SAHM, I get to do this freaking dilemma all over again tomorrow...

An absolutely mix

Some days really sucks for me. I feel like a single mom of 3 girls cause the "hubs" works nights to support us. That being said there are days when I just want to give up, throw in the town, say what I really want to say to some people-even though it'll hurt their feelings and quit my job. But I can't.
   I absolutely hate that I don't get to spend all day with my kids. I'm not mad at my mom for watching my kids, I'm absolutely jealous of her, in a good way. She gets to spend 8+ hours with them during the day, making memories, laughing, changing poopy diapers but that's suppose to be my job.
   I absolutely hate that this society and economy has it where woman who want to be a stay at home mom (SAHM), can't! We have to help pay the damn bills. When I get off my 8-430 job, I only get 4-5 hours then it's bed then mornings all over again.
   I absolutely love the weekends. I cherish every minute of spending time with them.
When I start to think about how jealous I am of my mom, I take a breathe and think I'm very thankful for her. Without her, if be paying my whole 2 wk paycheck for daycare for one week! Which that is absolutely ridiculous! I wouldn't be able to help pay the bills without her but then it's like a cycle again, I get mad cause of bills being so freaking expensive and high. Then I think how in the world are you suppose to spend time with family when you work 8 hour shifts starting at wee bit in the morning til almost dark and having other people/centers watch/take care of your family/kids. It absolutely sucks.
   If I had a wish, I wish I could stay at home and watch my beautiful girls grow. So enough venting cause I feel little better, still sad, I'll pray one day I will get to be a SAHM!
   I've started to be an online ambassador for BOD and I pray this takes off for me to be making a profit and I can quit my full-time job. Let's see where it leads!!
Xx

Postpartum Depression

I'm not a bad mom has been my quote since Nov.

 I had to keep telling myself this over and over after the twins were born. I was diagnosed with this a month after both girls came home from the unit. I was overly stressed out due to: staying with my parents cause the hubby works nights, having a toddler running around and wanting me to play with her every time she see's me holding a baby and over stressing on the feedings. I'm not a bad mom.

I finally told my doctor I was having panic attacks/depressed and she gave me some medicine to take. Me, being the "there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just stressed" type of mom, was offended. She told me it is normal for moms like me, who have a toddler and then have twins, to experience PPD. I was ashamed of how I was acting towards my toddler. It was all new to her having 2 new sisters everywhere we went. She was the only child for 2.5 years and "bam"! Mom's holding and kissing on those baby dolls and not loving on me like she use to. I was blaming her for being to loud or getting on my nerves and then I would cry knowing it wasn't her fault.

My friend who moved to FL had twin girls also. I finally messaged her and asked if I could talk and ask questions relating to twins. She started out giving me the 101's and then I felt comfortable. I finally asked her if she experienced this with her twins cause she also had a toddler before her twins. And she had. She had it worse cause she lives in FL with no family support and I was so thankful for mine here with me. I value that more than ever-family!

I went back to work and that was, I think the hardest task I've had to do. Not from being away from the girls, yes it was/is hard, but it was being back at work. All my co-workers acted differently, in my eyes but then it could have been me. I think it took me at least 2/3 weeks for me to feel socially accepted and normal again. I felt like the new girl on the playground or my first day on the job kind of thing.

I am much better though. I am off the medicine, because my mind and body are stronger together and has fought PPD. My mind is strong. When I am getting worked up and can feel my heart racing harder, I take deep breathes and count or play some Nora Jones. She knows how to relax :) My heart is the strongest though. My heart knows it's not the kids intentionally, it's just their age and wanting mommy time. So my heart sends a text to the brain saying, -hug her, -color with her, -kiss her and I do :)

Here are some tips for PPD woman that I went through and I hope they help you as well:

-Don't be afraid to ask for help until it's to late
-Don't think something is mentally wrong with you, your ok. JUST hormones going cra-cra!
-Don't forget to take a shower!
-Exercising helps get endorphins in your system that your missing.
-If someone-family/friends ask if there is anything they can do, take that opportunity and say yes. Ask them to come over and watch/play with your baby/babies so you can take a nap/laundry/watch a tv show( you don't have to tell them about the TV show though).
-Take the medicine regularly. And when you feel it working, great don't stop taking it cause it's working. That's the point of taking it every day/night on time.
 -Try not to blame anyone while your going through a spell. Walk away/outside/another room to recoup and get your whits together again.
-I can not express this enough- JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL. Do NOT hold all your emotions and bad days in. It will only become a time bomb and you'll blow up on someone who doesn't know what is going on.
-Continue to breastfeed your babies while going through PPD. Don't let that effect your Liquid Gold Gift from the baby/babies! (trust me I know, I've wanted to quit breastfeeding/pumping numerous times, but I've stayed strong!)
-Carry your favorite snack around with you before you become "hangry" which then proceeds to "BOOM".
-Listen to music. Music is the heart of the soul.

I hope you mom's stay strong and find someone/something to help you get through it. I did! so I know y'all can. Feel free to email me if you need more help or just want to talk! xoxo

Breastfeeding tips/questions

First I'm going to be honest and tell you the truth. No sugar coating it:

1) you CAN get pregnant while breastfeeding!! Do not let your anyone tell you otherwise!
2) your nipples will become use to the joyful pain your going to endure.
3) if you eat gassy foods, drink through a straw(extra air) or drink more than 4oz of alcohol, it can/will transfer to your milk.
4) your pump bag is now your purse, so make it look good!
5) try to get an extra pump and keep it in your car/ work. Even if it's a manual one. You do NOT want to experience that kind of torture.

Health facts:
-You will slowly lose weight by breastfeeding
-Your milk contains extra fat, sugar, water, protein, antibodies, hormones that protect babies from illnesses; reduces risk of childhood diseases: asthma, ear infections, allergies, obesity, diabetes and certain type of cancer.
-Contain to take the prenatal vitamins
-yogurt, nuts, almonds, plenty of water, carrots, oats, dill and rice are just a few foods that can increase your milk supply.
- NEVER dump the milk, aka liquid gold. You can add the milk to babies bath water. It clears up acne, diaper rashes, craddle cap and helps is good for their skin.
- Breastmilk in a bottle: after your baby has drank as much as they want, you don't have to dump the milk. It is good for 1 HOUR.

Frequent questions asked:
-How long can you leave milk out?
              -4 to 5 hours if it's pumped milk
-How many days in the fridge?
              -3 to 5 days
-How many months in the fridge freezer?
              -5 months
-How long in a deep-freezer?
              -12 months from date of when you pumped
-What to do when you have a duct clogged up?
              -massage the duct from chest to nipple; get some sort of vibrating device (let's be mature right now guys) and place it on the duct for 3/4 min to loosen it out.
-can caffeine effect my milk supply?
              - most lactational nurses are going to say 750ml, 4-5 6oz of cups, will be OK and not cause a problem.
-When your nipples are sore what can you do?
              - get some nipple cream and then thank God for making that healing cream, ice packs if you need to cool the girls down (or any frozen item in the freezer will be sufficient) or put a warm clothes on them and let them rest. (ALSO- placing a warm cloth on your breast before nursing/pumping can help start the milk flow)
- how often do I need to pump/nurse?
             -if you have 1 baby, pump every 4 hours unless you can start feeling the pressure in you nipples, it becomes unbearable and it feels like they are about to burst open, then pump. If you have twins, or more- I'll pray for you, pump every 3 hours.
-What do if I have to get frozen milk out of the freezer?
              -  you can either: run warm water and let the bag defrost then warm your milk up in the bottle warmer; put frozen bag in a glass/bowl of cold water then warm in bottle warmer; (NOTE: if you defrost more than 1 bag, put it in the fridge and it is ONLY GOOD FOR 24 HOURS AFTER DEFROSTING).


Now, By no means am I saying I am a doc/nurse, cause I'm not. I've learned all these from my own experiences. I've enjoyed breastfeeding my kids and I hope you mom's enjoy it also. It's a great bonding experience for you and your little one/one's.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me.

Passionate

Sitting at a desk, working 40 hours a week, answering phone calls, typing up paper work and some attitudes you wished you didn't have to deal with, is not my passion.

In high school I played soccer and basketball, soccer was MY passion. The way I felt when my foot felt in the cleats, it was like sand between my toes. It felt so soft and relaxing. When my foot touched or kicked the ball, I knew where it was going and I could control its destination, how hard or soft the kick was going to be, the speed and what part of the net it was going in. When I received the ball, I could look up and I could see 2/3 different scenarios. I don't know which was the best part: feeling the wind flow right off my body or the control I had of the ball. Today, people forget what they're passionate about. It's "what job makes the most money", "which job offered more PTO",  ect. Everyone's so wrapped up in today's world of technology or other curriculums that we've forgotten what we wanted to be or do like we said in grade school.

With that being said, I'm starting up MY PASSION. I am going to help mom's with kids, woman or men on working out, their diets while blogging about my journey as a mom of 3 girls and a wife. I hope I can turn this into a full time job and help/coach people that need that extra push!

"Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing what excites you"
-Oprah Winfrey

Focus on what your passionate about, feel where it drives or leads you too and let it flow through you!