Postpartum Depression

I'm not a bad mom has been my quote since Nov.

 I had to keep telling myself this over and over after the twins were born. I was diagnosed with this a month after both girls came home from the unit. I was overly stressed out due to: staying with my parents cause the hubby works nights, having a toddler running around and wanting me to play with her every time she see's me holding a baby and over stressing on the feedings. I'm not a bad mom.

I finally told my doctor I was having panic attacks/depressed and she gave me some medicine to take. Me, being the "there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just stressed" type of mom, was offended. She told me it is normal for moms like me, who have a toddler and then have twins, to experience PPD. I was ashamed of how I was acting towards my toddler. It was all new to her having 2 new sisters everywhere we went. She was the only child for 2.5 years and "bam"! Mom's holding and kissing on those baby dolls and not loving on me like she use to. I was blaming her for being to loud or getting on my nerves and then I would cry knowing it wasn't her fault.

My friend who moved to FL had twin girls also. I finally messaged her and asked if I could talk and ask questions relating to twins. She started out giving me the 101's and then I felt comfortable. I finally asked her if she experienced this with her twins cause she also had a toddler before her twins. And she had. She had it worse cause she lives in FL with no family support and I was so thankful for mine here with me. I value that more than ever-family!

I went back to work and that was, I think the hardest task I've had to do. Not from being away from the girls, yes it was/is hard, but it was being back at work. All my co-workers acted differently, in my eyes but then it could have been me. I think it took me at least 2/3 weeks for me to feel socially accepted and normal again. I felt like the new girl on the playground or my first day on the job kind of thing.

I am much better though. I am off the medicine, because my mind and body are stronger together and has fought PPD. My mind is strong. When I am getting worked up and can feel my heart racing harder, I take deep breathes and count or play some Nora Jones. She knows how to relax :) My heart is the strongest though. My heart knows it's not the kids intentionally, it's just their age and wanting mommy time. So my heart sends a text to the brain saying, -hug her, -color with her, -kiss her and I do :)

Here are some tips for PPD woman that I went through and I hope they help you as well:

-Don't be afraid to ask for help until it's to late
-Don't think something is mentally wrong with you, your ok. JUST hormones going cra-cra!
-Don't forget to take a shower!
-Exercising helps get endorphins in your system that your missing.
-If someone-family/friends ask if there is anything they can do, take that opportunity and say yes. Ask them to come over and watch/play with your baby/babies so you can take a nap/laundry/watch a tv show( you don't have to tell them about the TV show though).
-Take the medicine regularly. And when you feel it working, great don't stop taking it cause it's working. That's the point of taking it every day/night on time.
 -Try not to blame anyone while your going through a spell. Walk away/outside/another room to recoup and get your whits together again.
-I can not express this enough- JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL. Do NOT hold all your emotions and bad days in. It will only become a time bomb and you'll blow up on someone who doesn't know what is going on.
-Continue to breastfeed your babies while going through PPD. Don't let that effect your Liquid Gold Gift from the baby/babies! (trust me I know, I've wanted to quit breastfeeding/pumping numerous times, but I've stayed strong!)
-Carry your favorite snack around with you before you become "hangry" which then proceeds to "BOOM".
-Listen to music. Music is the heart of the soul.

I hope you mom's stay strong and find someone/something to help you get through it. I did! so I know y'all can. Feel free to email me if you need more help or just want to talk! xoxo