I am telling my story of how I got married, had a baby, went through some verbal/mental abuse, divorced, moved in with the rents, started dating him again after 6 months after the divorce and now we have 3 beautiful girls, have a beautiful little home and we are happy as ever and not married!....say what?? Yep, it is possible. It is possible to be in a relationship with your ex husband and not have to worry about getting remarried.
We were only married for 2 years before we got a divorce. Yes that was a short time and didn't make it past the " 7 years are the hardest". Well tough crap, it ain't for everyone. Everyone's got different problems and can handle them differently. It started with his hot temper and hot head. I saw the red flags but ignored it and all my family saying what I already knew. Now he never hit me! but the fights were close to throwing items at each other after he came back home from a 10 month deployment. We tried marriage counseling, journaling and trying to talk to each other. It didn't work cause I was at the point of moving on and letting go. He tried, he did but I was already gone before I knew it. During the time of getting paper work filed and trying not to get a lawyer things got worse before it got better. We recorded each conversation so we could use against each other! I mean for real we hated each other. Right before we had the papers in sight and pen in our hands, we looked at each other and he said it didn't have to be this way but I said yes it does. (now in my head, I promise I had a plan!) It had to be done for him to get a reality check on what he wanted between us, family and what he wanted in life. And it worked! Now here are the bad outcomes to my plan..1) I never wanted a divorce. I wanted a long marriage with 1 person for the rest of my life, like we promised in our vows. 2) My streak of marriage was over. 3) I was going to be a single mom 4) I got "frowned upon" from some family members from both sides and 5) I had to share my daughter with him. But for this to hopefully work, I had to play all the bad memories to get me through that moment. After it was signed, the judge granted our wishes, it was done. I kept his last name for my daughters sake.
2 months after that had taken place, I began to miss the A hole like crazy! I kept going to my counselor and journaling. She told me, I was over the "little problems that I made the big problems" and she was right. I don't know how many times I made a little problem a huge one and that one part was my fault. After my sessions with her, I finally apologized to him about that. He told me numerous times that I was doing that and I would ignore him. Not only did I apologize, he did to. He said he finally understood what he had and lost it. He had a family, something he has always wanted and he did not put his full effort into saving it when he knew what to do.
After the apologizes and prayers, we started dating! We would make time to meet in the mornings before I went to work to get breakfast and spend 30 min just talking/catching up. I tell you, it was weird at first. It was like dating someone new all over again, but it was still him! He had changed into the man and father I needed him to be! He was more dedicated into us this time then he was in the beginning and I was too. Of course our family was capital P-issed! But you know, it wasn't about them, it was about us, our happiness and our family. I've been giving this advice to little couples who are about to get married or married couples who are going through what I went through cause I can relate: "don't stress over the little things", "pick your battles" (with your kids and husband I swear!). Today We are so happy and love each other more everyday then we did 4 years ago.
Now will we ever re-marry? I don't know. When I think about it, I cringe. I just flashback to all the bad memories we had as a "married" couple, which I shouldn't- I know.. But when I look at us now, we've come along way and we've not fought near as much as we did while married. SO that being said, I go day by day on that one. I'm not planning a future wedding I might have, or hounding him to it cause we are so happy now and each day is something new that we are taking for granted. We've got our family in one house, I still wear my wedding ring, do all the laundry and cooking of course......but we still spend time together. And spending time is what makes the relationship working.
So my tips on how I date my ex-husband lol... Don't stop dating! Don't stop talking! Pick your battles! and Don't stress over the little things!
XoXo!
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